31. August 2023
Your organization may urgently need transformation to keep up with the fast-paced VUCA world around us. Sure, there are ways to delve into the details, ensure lasting change, and there are many individuals I deeply respect for the impact they're making. Here's how you can manage effortlessly and without friction: Hallucinate Transformation #SarcasmAlert
Step one: Hallucinate Success
Bring a consultant on board who sells a framework that "has worked elsewhere" (even though it hasn't truly worked). No one can openly criticize it without being labeled a naysayer at the greens. Thus, the process begins by conjuring up a success that never actually materialized.
Step two: Get buy-in for a solution without a problem
Enlist that senior consultant, holding "that framework" in one hand, to convince your customers that you'll enhance agility and innovation. Avoid probing their actual issues; the framework lacks an answer. Pepper your presentation with buzzwords, creating an air of invincibility (refer to ChatGPT for a list, ensuring to include "mindset"). Highlight the success stories from step one to win them over.
Step three: Hallucinate a gap
Ask everyone in your organization how much of "that framework" is already in use, to understand how big the gap is. Note, this isn't the gap between problem and solution; it's the gulf between reality and hallucination. Emphasize the importance of bridging this gap. Stifle objections by attributing them to the wrong mindset, using them as evidence of the pressing need for change.
Step four: Hire an army for nothing. Recruit a cadre of handsomely compensated consultants to address this gap. Secure their preferred supplier status to fend off criticism from more seasoned, specialized consulting firms. Convene expansive gatherings and workshops until everyone shares the hallucination and is aligned, marking its implementation as a strategic objective.
Step five: Restructure until everything stays the same. Given the gap was always an illusion, it's crucial that post-transformation, everyone maintains their pay and responsibilities. However, their titles should align with the hallucination (e.g., transform Project Managers into Scrum Masters, shift Product Managers to Product Owners, designate Line Managers as Chapter Leads, etc.).
Step six: Celebrate success. Do it loudly and be part of that elite that has brought about agility and digital transformation to an organization that just did not have the right mindset before. It is vital not to wait too long. Celebrate before customers notice that no problem has been solved. Tell everyone about your achievements. Finally: Get promoted. Back to Step One. Same consulting company. Different hallucination.
As the years go by, people get used to these waves of change. They start trusting that everything will stay the same and politely play the game. As a side effect, you get rid of the crazy ones. The creatives, those who actually want to make a change. Which is great, because we love them. They are the ones whom we trust to fix what needs fixing. Society, the planet, and that actual customer problem that no one understood before.
Let us cheer for the innovators, the wanderers, the nomads, the intellectuals, the outliers. The architects of the game rather than mere players. Kudos!